I am experiencing what I have been experiencing for the last few days. I am worried for the other side of life. I am trying to find the answer but the problem is the many ideologies that I have come across. I find no reasonable stand to come and hoist the flag. Life after death, no life after death, nirvana etc., I know little about. I feel happy, sad, elated, joyful at times for no reason. A child call me if it were. I visit my school days and college days, the next moment I realise I am 'me' in present with everything lost. The next moment I console that I am happiest as my bad days are done. The tables are turned. The breath takes me back and forth. I am worried for the impermanence of everything and 'what next' feeling after every action of mine. I feel the charisma of the 'now moment' would fade and die. The 'now' and all undertakings would soon give away and with them, the love I derive and the things I perceive. I laugh at myself when I think on what I have done and what I could have avoided but somehow could not. With people talking of the past, I also walk through time. I can picture places very vividly which I have never visited or have visited only for a few times. I feel that they are the part of my memory. I can see what is coming when I talk. I can be the other and can be me at the same time. I fear, I think, I stop and I act. There is no actual worry that I should be worried, still I am worried. The reason is not known and that makes the cure of it difficult and complex. I talk to many with strain. And that strain comes out when I leave them. The words resonate later. At some places, I lose the fascination to revisit. That is true to people. I perceive the energy of a place and also term it as good or bad without supporting evidence. May be that is intuition which is taking the upper hand. I also sense someone standing and overseeing me or guiding me but never hurting me. At night in dreams, things intricate, characters are replaced in episodes, episodes coexist, the stories become linear to an extent or are broken in pieces and when they do, it becomes harder to thread the flow of events. I become aware of something happening still asleep but not aware exactly of what goes on. I also experience jerk while eyes closed. I am conscious of the movements. Sometimes I write lines, I recite in sleep mutely but I completely miss when I try to organise in writing when I try or I don't pick those lines with maturing awareness of awakening from sleep. The conscious I am of an act, the creation loses the essence. Before this writing faces the same, I must put off my pen.
Minu Jasdanwala
Minu Jasdanwala
27th of August’16
ReplyDeleteThe person is worried about his life after death and feeling of sadness and happiness. He again thinks that breadth will return and now again for next actions. He can feel the actions same way. He feels charisma in his life for a moment would fade and die. He also thinks about people’s talk and pictures of places passing through his memory. He also senses that someone is overseeing and guiding him but without hurting. He imagines that the time is like dreams. The flow of different events are seen at a time while a sleep but you don’t capture or remember what you see. Writing this phase is linear. He is not conscious and awareness is broken as same when dream breaks when you suddenly awake from sleep.
Prakash Gohel
Thanks Mr Prakash Gohel
DeleteThe writer is experiencing a self-actualization phase . He is digging into himself to find out the talents or may be peculiar things which he experiences with himself . He is describing rather how a set of contradictory thoughts click into his mind on the different topics of life . Anxiety pinches everytime he recollects the golden days of his life and how carefree and cheerful he was at that time contradicting to his present time . He feels that his intuitions are senseless and is worried to think on why these thoughts bumps on his mind . The writer is amazed to see how beautiful and shocking human existence as well as human mind is and the more information poured in a mind , more doors of vivid thinking opens .
ReplyDeleteMany thanks Krutika Popat for having shown a good eye.
ReplyDelete